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Internal Incarceration

by Year Of The Knife

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1.
This Time 02:14
Repeat, repeat your guilt Because it feels It feels so good Through immorality Time nurses sins So this time it’s gonna hurt And I’ll take it on the chin This time This time it’s gonna hurt Misery and greed Possesses more pride Then anger blisters Because envy resides Too much, not enough Craving more lust Your crown of thorns Bleeds mistrust Too much, but not enough In this life or the next Your crown of thorns Bleeds mistrust Too much, but not enough In this life or the next This time This time it’s gonna hurt  In this life or the next This time it’s gonna hurt
2.
Shut out the world Where sadness can’t be seen Fucking your brain with dopamine Oversaturate to control and divide Clouding our minds To market our lives I feel psychotic From this virtual narcotic And I’ve grown psychotic  From this ... fuck You may think that you are alive But they’ve made you dead on the inside We touch desensitized We’re forever enslaved to a device We are the walking dead I feel psychotic From this virtual narcotic And I’ve grown psychotic From this virtual narcotic We feel psychotic From this virtual narcotic We’ve grown psychotic We are the walking dead Motherfucker you’re dead I feel psychotic From this virtual narcotic And I’ve grown psychotic From this virtual narcotic
3.
Stay Away 01:54
How do I shake this? How do I break the faces Of the people i can’t trust Beyond my worth? How can I trust myself With pathetic mental health And not cross them out When they get too close? Everyone’s got an excuse For what they do In fact they got a few Stemmed from internal abuse I’ll sabotage anything That holds my hand Or tries to help me understand One more thing to throw away Stay the fuck away from me Two hearts always separate Stay the fuck away from me Three times the apologies Stay the fuck away from me Four counts of abandonment  Stay the fuck away from me Look at what you’ve done to me Stay the fuck away from me I question trust in everything Stay the fuck away from me Don’t you fucking smile at me Stay the fuck away from me Now I’m just an enemy Stay the fuck away from me Don’t you fucking smile at me Now I’m just an enemy Stay the fuck away from me
4.
I’m not the first grave you dug But soon you’re gonna Die on your own drug There’s no place left in me To ever give sympathy  There is hate beyond any forgiveness There’s no way I could foresee this Shoved down with no one to tell And If I’m going down You’re coming with me I know the enemy They know how to deceive  Fool me once, shame on you Fool me twice, shame on me Now I know the enemy They know how to deceive  Fool me once, shame on you Fool me twice, shame on me Foot in the trap  Of a victim player That has built me to snap Your gaslighting games Taking a stab And hiding your hands Control is your thing So the charm in your rotten heart Is where it’s started You build me up Just to tear me down That’s why you’re A manipulation artist Come take advantage of me You took advantage of me My love, my empathy How would you feel if you were me? Then it wouldn’t be so fucking easy I know the enemy They know how to deceive  Fool me once, shame on you Fool me twice, shame on me Now I know the enemy They know how to deceive  Fool me once, shame on you Fool me twice, shame on me You build me up Just to tear me down That’s why you’re A manipulation artist Shoved down with no one to tell And if I’m going down You’re going down fucking with me You manipulation artist Now I know the enemy
5.
Final Tears 02:01
In my tears I’ve drowned inside And my tears They’ve never dried But in my tears I’ve killed what’s killed me In my final tears I will rise Because I’ve been searching for comfort Where fears go to die So I can have the power To live on the other side No more will my tears fall INTERNAL INCARCERATION  I hold myself in contempt I dont give a fuck, I’ve nothing to hide They just don’t understand Since my mom passed A part of me has really died Heaven denied on an Earth that’s hell I live in a skull no different from a cell Sick of a body that I can’t leave behind And what it takes to meditate a mind From a womb to a tomb These issues im facing Alone in my room Depend, depend on a friend I can’t remember How long it’s been If there’s one thing I’ve learned It’s comfort in nowhere Nowhere to grow It’s nobody’s fault but my own To painfully exist, exist alone In my internal incarceration  How do I break out? You have to lose a lot To find yourself Even your innocence  Thinking back as a kid What being alone did It’s not so pretty now That’s where addiction was found I’d burn those houses down Into a hole in the ground  And I’d burn them down again And I’d make it evident With satisfaction just to Laugh at the fucking flames From a womb to a tomb These issues im facing Alone in my room Depend, Depend on a friend I can’t remember How long its been If there’s one thing I’ve learned It’s comfort in nowhere Nowhere to grow It’s nobody’s fault but my own To painfully exist Exist alone In my internal incarceration 
6.
I hold myself in contempt I dont give a fuck, I’ve nothing to hide They just don’t understand Since my mom passed A part of me has really died Heaven denied on an Earth that’s hell I live in a skull no different from a cell Sick of a body that I can’t leave behind And what it takes to meditate a mind From a womb to a tomb These issues im facing Alone in my room Depend, depend on a friend I can’t remember How long it’s been If there’s one thing I’ve learned It’s comfort in nowhere Nowhere to grow It’s nobody’s fault but my own To painfully exist, exist alone In my internal incarceration  How do I break out? You have to lose a lot To find yourself Even your innocence  Thinking back as a kid What being alone did It’s not so pretty now That’s where addiction was found I’d burn those houses down Into a hole in the ground  And I’d burn them down again And I’d make it evident With satisfaction just to Laugh at the fucking flames From a womb to a tomb These issues im facing Alone in my room Depend, Depend on a friend I can’t remember How long its been If there’s one thing I’ve learned It’s comfort in nowhere Nowhere to grow It’s nobody’s fault but my own To painfully exist Exist alone In my internal incarceration 
7.
How long will this last I gotta know What would I say If I saw you again Living with this embarrassment  How long will this last I gotta know What would i say I hold these premonitions of you You keep killing yourself No matter where you run You’re the problem The problems from within And you have to solve them We’re all burdens to somebody But you aren’t to me Sometimes I wish to be dead Because you feel dead, dead to me From your hands Every bridge has burned From your hands Every back has turned From your hands  I’ve grit my teeth From your hands  You’ll beat this I blindly believe I hold these premonitions of you You keep killing yourself No matter where you run You’re the problem The problems from within You gotta solve them You can’t keep killing yourself We’re all burdens to somebody But you aren’t to me Sometimes I wish to be dead Because you feel dead, Dead to me How long will this last I gotta know
8.
We cast judgement But don’t live the same lives Some don’t know true pain Because they haven’t seen through your eyes Remember who you are Or do you really know Really know at all? You lack to empathize Is that why You laugh at those who cry? Point your finger at me Because I’ve got a way you’ll never see Point your broken finger at me It all comes down to hypocrisy  Some die from behind the wheel Some die from the money they steal Some fuck their own world up for free Some die with true beliefs  Liars and cowards Can’t face themselves That’s why they Prey on everyone else Because you cast judgement And I cast judgement And we cast judgment Again and again and again and again Laugh at those who cry Some die, some die Some die from behind the wheel Some die from the money they steal Some fuck their own world up for free Some die with true beliefs
9.
Demonized I did it again This promise I break A circle of death A circle of fate I did it again This promise I break I am enslaved I am enslaved I have no limitations I tremble in desperation Paralyzed from the mistakes Of the morphine that takes my place Now I’m just another  Fucking sick statistic of America’s cold dead face They all just live with shame When they speak my name Do you know what it’s like to hurt this bad? There’s a family out there that I can’t win back And I’ll do it again  And again I have no limitations I tremble in desperation Demonized by what I inject This is something that you can’t fix Robbed of my soul This is something you can’t fix Robbed of my soul Fix me 
10.
Eviction 03:10
Don’t tell me   To suppress my anger You don’t have the cure To prevent my danger Divorce breeds the pain Two lovers lost their way Trauma scars the home So the kids result from blame Mom’s eating cleaning tablets To kill herself Because she can’t cope with the bills Suffering from the need of pills Don’t ask me why  The way i am A life this fragile I will never understand  Eviction Dad can’t find a way To connect with his sons From child support, split custody And the damage it’s done Brothers leaving spoons Bags of dust on the floor Burnt into his little brothers brain At sixteen how do you explain? Don’t ask me why  The way I am A life this fragile I will never understand Don’t ask me why  The way I am I’m doing my best I’m doing the best I can   Eviction of a home Eviction of a teenage soul Eviction to this hole Home is where the heart is evicted from your soul Eviction of a home Eviction of a teenage soul Eviction in this hole Eviction
11.
Tomorrow may May never come With a heavy heart I’ll have nothing to say The rain won’t stop On my eulogies And I’ll be in the mud On my knees If I lose you And everyone else It’ll teach me to give Give up on myself Sometimes I wanna Break down and cry Because I can’t stop the pain My pain is nothing to nobody Nothing to nobody Fuck you I wanna fuck everyone up From the bitter rage Inside this cage If my heart can’t live Then theirs can’t No one deserves To be happier than me A year will pass Of constant collapse Alienating everything I once had And I’ll break down and cry Because I couldn’t stop your pain My pain is nothing to nobody
12.
Get It Out 02:26
Get it out Please get it out This parasite  That’s eating me alive Domesticated from the start Programmed to not think freely Everything I’ve turned into Has taught me that this isn’t me Please get it out What’s eating me alive Is it me that lets it thrive? Or was I born under a bad sign? True forms drown in Distorted realities That sink their fangs Into identities These snakes fill thoughts In my head and chest With poison I can’t fucking digest Get it out Please get it out This parasite that’s eating me alive True forms drown in distorted realities That sink their fangs  Into identities
13.
DDM 02:10
YOTK    302 DEHC

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released August 7, 2020

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